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Whoever has the most meaningless friends when they die - WINS!

The majority of my extended family lives in another state, so although we're friendly, we're not exactly close. When a cousin sent a Friend Request, I explained that although I'm not a member of Facebook I'd love to hear how he's doing. I then wrote a couple of paragraphs detailing some interesting things I'd been doing and asked some leading questions to prime the pump for a decent reply. I never heard back from him. When I did finally open an account I noticed that he had over nine hundred friends. Evidently this was less about catching up in any meaningful way than in stuffing the ballot box for some sort of popularity contest.

I will not be ignored, Dan

This was sent to me by the woman who was partially responsible for the end of my first marriage because well.... she slept with my ex. I appreciate the good wishes but seriously what other woman does this?

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Subject: Hello

I just wanted to extend my congratulations for the birth of your new baby "Betty". I bet "Tina" is excited to have a little sister!

I hope you, "Mike" and family are doing well.

-That Chick